I’m going to be brutally honest right now. I’m not happy. I’m not telling the world this for attention or sympathy. I’m making it known so I can have accountability to change it. The way I’m living is every bit unfulfilling. There is a distance in my relationship with my parents. There is a constant feeling of sadness in my soul. All I want to do is sleep so I can forget about how I feel. I drink to take away pain and anger. I smoke to numb the world. This is real. I make my life seem like it’s all together, but it’s not. I smile to trick my mind into thinking it’s happy, but I’m not. I have support from my family. I have support from my friends. I know I can trust Jesus to take all my anxiety and depression and negative self-image away, but something is stopping me. My own ego. Grad school is stressful. It’s so much work to do while working full time. It’s a lot on my plate at 24 years old. There is pressure to get married, but hell, I can’t even land a boyfriend. There is pressure to look a certain way, and act a certain way, and be a certain size. There is so much pressure. Sometimes I feel like I’m living underwater because I’m overwhelmed with the world and who it tells me I should be. I read a quote today that said “find yourself, and be that.” The next few weeks I’m going to try to find myself because right now it’s lost in the depths of something I can’t seem to control. Thank you to everyone who loves me because without you I couldn’t have made it this far. So here is to transformation and renewing of my mind and soul. Who’s with me?!