a glimpse of happiness

What does happiness look like for you? Is it having your dream job? Is it having the perfect family? Is it making a ton of money? Is it just knowing that you’re loved? Or is it something completely different?

I question my happiness a lot. Now don’t get joy and happiness confused, because I am filled with joy, which I never question because I am filled with the Holy Spirit, but happiness is different. Happiness is a state of being that you get to choose; joy is innate, and when you’re filled with it, you know. So, anyway, back to questioning my happiness; it happens a lot. I try to live moment to moment, making the most of life, but does that make me happy? I try to stay positive and keep my head up, but does that make me happy?

Overall, I think I feel pretty happy, or content, with my life. I mean I have an awesome dog who shows affection and unconditional love to JUST ME (if you know Bella, you know she only likes me); I have a great job where I get to help people and further my knowledge; I am participating in graduate school (which is hard); I have great friends, and even an even better family. So what is there to not be happy about you ask? Well, that’s the thing. I can’t explain it. I know I am blessed, and like I said, full of joy, but something is missing. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m single; or maybe it’s the fact that I don’t get to exercise like I want; or maybe it’s the fact that I know 27 million people in the world are affected by sex slavery.

It’s hard to articulate the way happiness would look for me, but this is what I’m thinking it would look like…

Happiness to me is feeling loved. It is knowing that my flaws are perfect in someone else’s eyes. It is getting called beautiful when I feel hideous. It is talking and communicating about life and family and work and the future. It is the incessant need to smile because you are so content with life. It is going out to dinner with friends even when you want to lay on your couch. It is never lying or stealing or cheating. Happiness is something that you want everyone to feel, and you will do anything for them to feel it. It’s missing sleep just to learn something new about someone. It’s not getting mad about alone time, because everyone needs it. Happiness is a huge, slobbery, soaking wet kiss from your dog because she’s so excited to see you (and it’s only been 15 minutes). Happiness is never feeling alone, because you know someone is thinking about you all the time. It’s about nonjudgmental support and brutal honesty. It is about building people up, instead of tearing them down. Happiness is manifested in peace. It is something that everyone wants, but few have.

I’m not sure if true happiness exists, but when I look in on some people’s lives, I have hope that it does. I don’t cower because I haven’t found my happiness; I am standing tall, because I am earnestly seeking it. I don’t know when I’ll find it, but I know when it comes it will have been worth the fight; worth the struggle; worth the heartache.

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What does your happiness look like? I would love to know!!!

stay beautiful! xoxo

chels

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