THAT feeling. That feeling you get when you know people are proud of you. That feeling you get when you know you touched someone’s life. That feeling you get when you know that you did the right thing. That feeling you get when you just did a great job. THAT feeling is my own worst enemy!
Why do I get so much satisfaction from that feeling? Why is it so important for me to get acknowledged for doing something right? Why is it so rewarding to know that I did it better than someone else? Why do I feel like I need the approval and satisfaction of others to feel valuable, worthy, and wanted?
For me, and I’m sure for you too, that feeling is an everyday struggle. Don’t get me wrong, it is OK to get acknowledged for a job well done, but when it gets to the point where you don’t do something because you won’t get acknowledged or praised for doing it, that is when there needs to be a perspective change.
So, that’s where I am right now. After small group on Wednesday (I go to Awaken Church by the way), I left burdened with the thought of approval, acknowledgement, and acceptance from others. It really weighed on my heart, because it is definitely something I am currently struggling with. If you know me, which I’m sure most of you do, or have at least taken a glimpse into my life from my blog, you know that I am a hard worker, a little OCD, if you will. I am not complacent or lazy when it comes to finishing things, helping people, or doing my job (I am a nurse if you didn’t already know). But, lately I’ve noticed that I’m letting the devil influence my decisions based on the outcome.
In my job as a nurse I do A LOT of things throughout the day for patients; some big things, some small things. There are a lot of opportunities to do well, and there are a lot of opportunities to fail completely. With relationships, it’s the same way. There are so many ways to better someone’s life, but there are also so ways that you can really fudge it up. With school, I just feel like I’m putting all this work in everyday, and I find myself wanting praise for my hard work and dedication. I honestly feel great about everything I do (personally), but I yearn for some sort of response or recognition; desperately wait for a complement; sadly exhaust myself trying to impress. These thoughts are SO WRONG. At work, in school, and with my relationships are where I’m struggling most. I’m not working like Jesus tells us in Colossians 3:23 “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.” I’m being completely honest with you guys. I haven’t disregarded tasks, or half-assed my work, or neglected relationships because of it, but I am just telling you that I’m struggling.
It’s hard to do so many things day in and day out with no feedback, or praise, or recognition, or reward in return. I know you know this feeling. This struggle is something that I have just accepted, and I am giving it to God, and I cannot wait to see how He works through me in this.
“When you step out in faith, God steps into our circumstances”
This week I’m going to pray for a selfless heart. I’m going to pray that I am blessed with opportunities to serve, and give, and work; all with a servant heart. I rebuke the devil, and how he has tricked me into thinking that I need the approval and acceptance and acknowledgement of people to feel valuable, worthy, and wanted. I’m praying for a new perspective on relationships, new energy in my work, and for the Holy Spirit to breathe new life into my body.
My walk with Christ is a struggle; every day it is a struggle. The world is filled with so much secularity, temptation, and a strong will to live selfishly. I’m trying so hard to be different; to stand out; to stand up in faith; and to completely and fully surrender.
It’s not an easy thing to perform life selflessly, that’s why we aren’t God; and that’s why we’ve been saved by grace through faith. So, if you are in the same boat at me right now, I encourage you to GIVE IT UP. Let go of the insecurities tied to approval and acceptance and acknowledgment of others, and let God intervene and change your heart. I want you guys to hold me accountable, and I would love to do the same for you!
I hope everyone has a happy Monday 🙂
stay beautiful! xoxo