The inglorious, over-advertised, and lucrative holiday that everyone loves? or dreads? Some celebrate “national single awareness day,” and some are just impartial to the holiday. I wish I could say that I really don’t care about Valentine’s day, and the flowers, and the chocolates, but I do. Before you start thinking I’m crazy, based on the title of this post (why it doesn’t suck being single), let me explain.
It’s normal to feel alone on a holiday that over advertises love and togetherness. It’s normal to crave intimacy on a holiday advertising gifts and get aways for that “special someone.” It’s normal to feel unworthy, and unloved, and ugly on a holiday that advertises about relationships, and the necessity to have a “Valentine.” IT’S NORMAL TO FEEL! But, keep those thoughts at bay. Don’t let them consume you, or define you. I’ve spent 23/24 Valentine days as a single woman. I’ve just recently reached a point of peace and content in my singleness, and I’ll let you in a how and why it doesn’t suck to be single.
This is from my Facebook this morning:
“Today I’m celebrating a love that is deeper and stronger than I’ll ever know. I’m celebrating a non judgemental and unconditional love from the one who turned water into wine, and calmed a raging sea in seconds. I’m so thankful that I feel content in the fact that God’s love makes me complete. Thank you Jesus for my singleness, so I can continue to seek You! Happy Valentine’s Day!”
I also spent some time in the Word, digging around to help alleviate any self-doubt I was having, and I found some pretty awesome stuff!
~“Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalms 37:4. I’ve learned that when I trust in the Lord, he will give me the desires of my heart. He knows how much I long for a relationship. I pray daily for my future husband, and I am fully confident that one day He will grant me a beautiful marriage.
~”But Ruth replied, ‘Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me.’” Ruth 1:16 – 17. I’ve read a lot in Ruth, and I know that God is going to give me a love this passionate and strong. It may seem far fetched to you, but God will give me this kind of love.
~“No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.” 1 John 4:12. I don’t need a man to complete me. This is a very real misconception! The joy I carry is because God completes me!
~Genesis 29:20 “So Jacob worked seven years to pay for Rachel. But his love for her was so strong that it seemed to him but a few days.” I’ve also realized that God is preparing a man like Jacob for me to spend my life with. One day, my “valentine” will make me feel worth it, like Jacob made Rachel feel.
~Song of Solomon 8:6 “Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.”
So, here is why I think being single doesn’t suck:
Marriage is a glorious reality, but it is secondary to our spiritual identity as children of God, and something that won’t even exist in heaven (Matthew 22:30). Jesus says it’s a choice. We shouldn’t feel forced to marry or feel prohibited from marrying; this is one of those life decisions God leaves up to us. But God does care about why we decide to marry and the kind of person we marry. Our search for a soulmate, then, isn’t one of desperation, but rather one of patiently looking for someone with whom we can share God’s love and live out God’s purpose. God has given us an awesome responsibility, so choose wisely.
Still, some people say, “That’s not fair, God—just tell me who to marry.” The need to find “the one” in that kind of situation is based in desperation—as if, apart from that “one,” we lack something. The Bible views us as recipients of God’s perfect love, already charged with an important life mission of seeking first the Kingdom of God, and thus the decision to marry, though crucial, won’t ever define us.
What this comes down to is a check on a culture that makes too much of marriage. And if we make too much of marriage, we make too little of our relationship with God. When we make too little of our relationship with God, we undercut our source of love, which makes success in marriage less likely. Focusing on marriage too much is, ironically enough, the best way to kill it.
As a single woman, I am looking for a person who looks to God to complete him; and I try to avoid anyone who might bury me with the expectation that I could ever complete him.
**So for all you singles out there, and all you people struggling in relationships, make sure you are focused on God. That is the ONLY way that your relationship with ever conspire, or continue to thrive.**
Cheers to a beautiful day in Charleston, spent with people you love.
stay beautiful! xoxo