DON’T RUSH YOUR LIFE AWAY

HAPPY SUNDAY!

MY SUNDAY HAS BEEN FANTASTIC! I GOT TO GO TO CHURCH, AND LUNCH WITH MY DAD. IT’S RARE WE HAVE TIME JUST US TWO. TODAY, I’VE ALSO BEEN ABLE TO CATCH UP ON MY THOUGHTS, SPENDING TIME ALONE, JUST SOAKING IN THE RAMBLINGS OF MY HEART, MIND, AND SOUL.

LATELY, EVERY TIME I’M ON FACEBOOK, OR WALKING THROUGH THE GROCERY STORE, OR LOOKING ON INSTAGRAM, I AM BOMBARDED WITH ENGAGEMENTS, NEW PREGNANCIES, NEW CARS, NEW HOMES, NEW FRIENDS, AND I CAN’T HELP BUT FIND MYSELF JEALOUS OF OTHER’S SUCCESSES, OF OTHER’S HAPPINESS, OF OTHER’S BLESSINGS. THE ENVY INSIDE ME GROWS EVEN MORE GREEN, AND I BECOME BITTER. I START WISHING FOR MY HAPPILY EVERY AFTER. I START WISHING THAT I WAS IN THE RIGHT RELATIONSHIP TO HAVE KIDS. I LET MY THOUGHTS DWELL ON THINGS THAT ARE NOT YET MEANT TO BE MINE. I’M WISHING THE VALUABLE TIME I AM LIVING IN AT THAT PRESENT MOMENT AWAY FOR SOMETHING THAT EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING, OR HAVING.

DON’T GET ME WRONG, IT IS OKAY TO THINK ABOUT/ DREAM ABOUT YOUR FUTURE WEDDING, OR KIDS, OR CAR, OR HOME, BUT TO TAKE YOURSELF OUT OF THE REALITY YOU ARE LIVING IN, BECAUSE YOU ARE SO INFATUATED WITH THE FACT THAT YOU “SHOULD BE” MARRIED, OR PREGNANT, IS NOT HEALTHY. I AM THE MOST GUILTY OF THIS WHEN I SEE MY FRIENDS. I HAVE FRIENDS WHO HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR TEN YEARS THAT MAKE ME ENVY THEIR LOVE AND HAPPINESS. I HAVE FRIENDS WHO HAVE REKINDLED AN OLD FRIENDSHIP, AND HAVE STARTED A RELATIONSHIP THAT HAS A STRONG PROMISE FOR THE FUTURE. AND I ALSO HAVE FRIENDS WHO OUT OF CHANCE BECAME EACH OTHERS EVERYTHING IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE.

LET ME TELL YOU, IT IS HARD NOT TO GET JEALOUS. IT IS HARD NOT TO WANT TO RUSH MY LIFE FORWARD TO THE TIME WHEN I GET MARRIED AND HAVE KIDS, AND GET A NEW HOUSE. IT IS HARD. IT IS HARD. IT IS HARD. BUT WHO AM I TO RUSH THE MOMENTS I HAVE BEEN SO GRACIOUSLY BLESSED WITH? WHY SHOULD I RUSH BEING ABLE TO SPEND MY MONEY ON ME? TO SPEND MY TIME ON ME? TO LIVE WITH NO OBLIGATIONS? WHY WOULD I WANT TO RUSH THE LAST FEW DAYS, MONTHS, OR YEARS WITH MY MIMI WHO IS FIGHTING CANCER?

REALLY, THOUGH? WHY RUSH MY LIFE AWAY?

I’M NOT TRYING TO BE RECKLESS, OR EVEN IRRESPONSIBLE, I JUST WANT TO LIVE WITHOUT INHIBITION.

I AM SO TIRED OF WISHING AND WAITING ON THINGS THAT I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER. IT’S HARD TO CONTROL YOUR FEELINGS, IT’S HARD TO BITE YOUR TONGUE, IT’S HARD TO BE ALONE, BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS, IS THAT I DON’T HAVE TO! I DON’T HAVE TO KEEP MY FEELINGS TO MYSELF, I DON’T HAVE TO BITE MY TONGUE (AND IF YOU KNOW ME, YOU KNOW I DON’T), AND I DONT HAVE TO BE ALONE. GOD CREATED US TO SHARE LIFE WITH PEOPLE WE LOVE. I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR ALL MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY, EVEN IF I DO GET JEALOUS! I CAN’T IMAGINE WAKING UP A DAY WITHOUT THEM IN MY LIFE, BUT I DO KNOW THAT I NEED TO STOP RUSHING MY LIFE AWAY!

TIME IS PRECIOUS, DON’T WASTE IT WISHING FOR THINGS YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER. WHEN IT’S MEANT TO HAPPEN, IT WILL!

STAY BEAUTIFUL! XOXO

CHELS

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