ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone

It is almost infinitely impossible to grasp the understanding of the cycle of life. How it endures no matter the circumstance, situation, or factors involved. There is always new life, growing and maturing, and death. There is no way around it, and it stops for no one. Sometimes the cycle is long (which most of us desire) or it could be short (which some of us choose).

In the flood of selfishness I am often drowning in, I assume life can’t simply go on unless I get this, or I do that, or I go here; which is foolish.

Nearly five months ago my eyes were opened to reality of what feels like injustice, cruelty, and heartache; my grandmother was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. When she first went to the doctor, she had lost her appetite, was losing weight, and was having stomach pain. They ran some tests, did some scans, and reluctantly diagnosed her with Pancreatic Cancer. The doctor was hopeful that they had caught it at Stage 1. She was then scheduled for surgery to remove part of her pancreas, where the cancer was. Surgery day came, and bad news along with it. When she was in surgery and they had her opened up, they found the cancer to be worse that they had thought or seen on the scans. It had already metastasized. The surgeon ended up taking out part of her pancreas and her gallbladder. Once the bad news settled in, a plan of action was taken to start chemo as soon as she recovered from the surgery. After many obstacles with the gallbladder drain site, she started chemo about 10 or 12 weeks after they had anticipated. The oncologist then re-diagnosed her with Stage 3 Pancreatic Cancer.

All that she is going through seems unreasonable and unfair. My grandmother raised two girls by herself; working two jobs and sacrificing everything just for her children. She has always been selfless and most often under appreciated. She finally met my grandfather probably a couple of years before I was born, and fell in love all over again. She had an amazing job with Otis elevators, and was able to retire when she wanted. She worked so hard to get to where she is today, and she gets repaid with cancer?!

The raw truth of reality is that we have no control over it. It doesn’t matter if we have cancer, or have a stroke, or become paralyzed; life doesn’t stop for you, and neither should your faith. it is so easy to revert back to ‘self’ when something does not go our way. or someone does not do something we like, or we don’t get the job we want, or we haven’t found the our soul mate; but these times when your faith is being tested, keep holding onto faith, because just like life never stops, neither does our faith. God will forever and always be in control and he will never forsake us, unlike the world and self. God is the only one that can fill that void we have in our lives when we feel alone, abandoned, or forsaken. God tests our faith everyday and will never give us more than we can handle.

I have no clue what is going to happen to my grandma with this cancer, but I do know God is in control and me and my family have to have faith in His plan. Maybe He is using her story as a testimony for others struggling with the diagnosis of cancer; or maybe He is using her faith to help my grandfather get saved.

Irregardless of the outcome, my family is thanking Jesus for every single day we get to spend with her.

To my beautiful, strong, loving Mimi,
Your elegance is breath taking, your beauty is rare, your love is unending, and your heart is filled with love. Your smile lights up a room, and your little pea head rocks those little beanie’s better than anyone I’ve ever seen. Your companionship with Popsie is something to be admired, and your loyalty to your friends is something to envy. You have given me more than I could ever ask for in life, and to you, I wish I could do the same. I wish I could trade spots with you right now, so that you wouldn’t have to go through this, I wish I could take the heartache and pain away. I wish I could do something that would help you. I will just keep praying that you will be healed and you just keep that smile. I love you Mimi 🙂

Keep her in your prayers, along with other cancer victims, please.

stay beautiful!xoxo


One thought on “ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone

  1. In 1 Corinthians 10:13 it says God will not tempt us more tha we can handle. This verse is misinterpreted in regards to God giving us more than we can handle. Job is a perfect example of someone getting more than they could handle. If we could handle all our situations on our own we wouldn’t need God!


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