a real realization.

 

 

let’s talk about a slap in the face; a pounding on the heart; or even the wind being knocked out of me. i feel like all those analogies could apply to me somehow this morning. as i crawled out of my warm bed this morning to go endure the cold cool december morning, i faked an eagerness to go ride my bike, so i could spend some time alone with God and just worship and enjoy His creation. being outside doing some sort of running/walking/riding/etc… is my favorite time to spend with God. i think it’s just something about His creation and communicating with Him and listening to what He has to say. so anyway… as i was on my ride, just listening to All Sons & Daughters Pandora station (really good by the way!), How He Loves Us shuffled on, and about halfway through the song i felt this sudden clarity; i felt peace; i felt guidance.

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Lyrics:

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us, oh,
Oh, how He loves us,
How He loves us all

And we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about the way…

(source)

i’ve heard this song probably a couple hundred times. i’ve looked at the lyrics several times, but it wasn’t until just this morning that God revealed something to me from these lyrics. the realization that i had this morning is that my efforts to seek and serve God are not whole hearted. i am committed spiritually  physically, mentally, but not all emotionally  i am giving only part of my emotions to God. i am holding back intimacy with Christ because i am desperately searching for intimacy in someone else and/or worldly things. God doesn’t want me to seek him half the time or half heartedly, He wants everything about me to desire Him, and love Him, and seek to serve Him, and carry out His will for my life. this morning i realized just how flawed i am in my faith. i feel embarrassed  i feel guilty; i feel disappointed. but honestly it feels so good to realize that this selfishness to surrender intimacy is what could be holding me back form ultimate surrender; from that burning desire for God to consume every aspect of my life. so, today i will pray. i will pray that God continues to reveal His will in my life and that intimacy in my life will be surrendered. i will also pray for Mosaic and what God is doing through this ministry. my prayers are not just limited to this, but know that if you are reading this post right now, i am certainly praying for you, because God has plan for you. trust Him. be the change. exist for the purpose.

stay beautiful! xoxo

chels

 

One thought on “a real realization.

  1. My spouse and I absolutely love your blog and find almost all of your post’s to be just what I’m looking for. Would you offer guest writers to write content to suit your needs? I wouldn’t mind writing a post or elaborating on many of the subjects you write about here. Again, awesome site!

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